A Journey to Find Contentment

This is the story of a girl who always felt lost but felt driven to something bigger than herself. 

I am always amazed by what I have done, seen, and learned, the people I have met and loved and lost, and the journey I continue on each day. Only now I am a woman and have packed that girl away.* 

*Thanks to lots of work with my therapist

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Every winter I fall into a spiral of stress and feeling lost- living in almost Canada with frigid temps and bleak views. But then one day every year, it all changes. I go outside and there are the first signs- these beautiful little flowers start popping up everywhere. 

If I could, I would cover my lawn with crocuses.

These flowers are a sign that nothing is forever. The only thing that is for sure is change. They lie under the muck and fight their way through piles of crud to show themselves in the sun. 

Change can physically hurt, but it is necessary to keep moving to find the place where the beauty lies.

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The other day, one of my kids asked if I was "happy." I thought to myself that if she had to ask, she couldn't tell by looking at me. I explained to her that I have learned that the happiness that we see in movies and TV (and now social media) is not attainable and it will drive someone crazy to try to achieve it. It is shown with smiles and laughter and scenes of groups of people all having a perfect time- but that is not real life. Happiness can also be contentment. Feeling at peace. Feeling surrounded by love. I don't need to have a perma-grin or belly laugh to feel that.

What I have learned in my 47 years is that beauty and peace look different for everyone. 

But we as a society tend to focus on sameness. Achieving what others have. Keeping up with the Jones'. We join groups and read articles and watch reels that say what we "should" be feeling, or "should" be doing, instead of looking internally at what it is that affects us for the positive. Hint: It is not social media.

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My goal in my 47th year is to focus on the small moments, the times when my soul finds peace and contentment. To ignore the nonsense, the distractions, and the stuff we just need to get through to get to the other side. 

I identify with the crocus. I get piled on with crap- sometimes small, sometimes huge- and eventually I pop through the piles of shit and shine myself in the sun for the world to see. Layer on all the sticks and dead leaves and mud and snow you can, but I WILL persevere. 

And when I reach into the sun and find my moment of contentedness, I know that it is different for the tulip, the daffodil, the rose, the hyacinth... we all have different needs, but we are all beautiful creatures sharing this space.

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The purpose of this blog is to share. To share stories of things I have learned through the hospitality industry, business ownership, parenthood, homeownership, marriage, and everything in between. I hope that you may use those lessons as appropriate to jump past in your own life- and maybe take a snippet of another perspective on your way.